By Myself

I thoroughly enjoy spending time alone. My entire life I have been surrounded by siblings, my parents, friends, my husband, my kids, just all kinds of people and don’t get me wrong I really, really loved and will always appreciate being able to be a part of such an array of different people. In fact one of my favorite things to do wile I am alone is to try and get to know at least one new person while out and about but that’s besides the point. The point that I am trying to make here is that I really really enjoy just being alone outside in the world.

I think we reach a certain point in our lives when life gets the best of us and we get so caught up in just trying to get by that we tend to forget many of the things that make us the people who we are. I was a quiet kid who loved to explore nature that eventually became a crazy pierced, tatted teenager exploring the city with droves of friends after that I became a mom and wife and kind of just settled into that role without much question.

It wasn’t until just recently I realized how much I love to be alone and how precious that time really is for me. Just putting on my head phones and just walking where ever the side walk will take me gives me time to appreciate the world again and remind me that there is way more out there that just what goes on in my life. I feel like I have some story that needs to be heard and every time I see another person I think to myself that that person also has a story to be told. There are countless stories that need to be told about the lives of the people I come across but I only get a passing glimpse as I walk by.

Spending time alone not only makes me more aware of those around me but it also makes me much more aware of myself and who I am and where I want to be at some point in my life. It’s way to easy to kind of lose yourself or have all different kinds of personalities to reflect the particular situation you happen to find yourself in as you grow and enter into new circles. Time alone and bring you back down to who you really are.

When I walk I like to watch everything going on around me. In fact I think I may be a little creepy about it because sometimes I will catch myself just blatantly starring at people trying to figure things out or having some sort of issue, usually I will jump in and try to assist and start a conversation. I wouldn’t be able to do that type of thing with three kids tagging along since I can’t really focus on anything for more than a millisecond.

I can usually tell when I need to get out and be myself. My head will start getting anxious and I just feel the need to escape like I am sort of caged animal. The moment I get out though everything changes and I feel like a productive player in a bustling city. I am the background to everything that is going on around me and that makes me feel like I am a part of everything yet at the same time I get to be by myself.

nic

 

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Just another day

It’s funny how life gets you sometimes. I thought I was having a pretty normal morning. I was at least able to brush my teeth and my hair before running out the door at full speed. All it took was for one slight interaction with one particular person to stop me in my tracks and really made every hour until I could crawl into bed just ricidulusly nightmarish.

I feel pretty immature that I even got to this point. I was moments from just throwing myself, kicking and screaming on the floor until I got my way. Life just really doesn’t accommodate that behavior and neither do employers.I guess this is part of my mini mid life crisis. I feel like I should be in more control of my life and accomplished many more of my goals. Many that one of being famous.

I always wanted to be famous I just never really thought of how or what I would be famous for. I really have no stand out talents. I’m not particularly outgoing nor do I have tons of people waiting around vying for my next action. I can not act, draw, sing or play any musical instrument to save my life.

I would need to find another way,Possibly go the infamous route. Lie, cheat, steal, pull off some act of complete and udder disrespect for authority. Bonnie and Clyde style although that wouldn’t really work out either mainly because I am tired and lazy and prefer all the comforts of home mainly my bed. I love my bed.

I will find my claim to fame at some point but I have a feeling it’s going to be the old fashion way 100 years after I die

Starting

So I will start this out exactly how I a sure countless other blogs have started out and I am going to say I a pretty new at this. I am more a pen and paper type of person mainly because it is easier to jot things down rather than having to clumsily type what I think is a personal thought but I will give it a shot.

I had a pretty personal moment today while I was walking through a neighborhood park. I a a newly turned thirty year old, married with three kids. I am a preschool teacher and I live a fairly average life. Ten years ago I did not really see his happening to me and I started to feel a mid life crisis developing in the pit of my gut. Growing up I always wanted to be someone and that someone was not just someones mom or wife. I always felt that I had to fight to try and keep my own identity and there is a constant struggle in doing so. Writing and educating myself has always been a constant outlet and without doing either I probably would have gone crazy long ago. This isn’t about the struggles of marriage or raising kids though. This is about me .